my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
