i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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