Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
