i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
