He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
