today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
