brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
