I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."