Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.