so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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