Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
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So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.