i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
