If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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