you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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