So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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