Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
