my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
