in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize