I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Are we still banned from the library?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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