dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Drunk is not a location!
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