Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
