I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
