Plan B is the new Plan A
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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