i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
