I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
