Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
