just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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