Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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