What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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