I wish I could teleport
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
