i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
