She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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