I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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