My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
