Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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