And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
