Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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