I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
