what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
