Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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