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it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
