My liver just broke up with me...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
