never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
