I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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