i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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