I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
