Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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