What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
