i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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