It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
