you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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