We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.