By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.