and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.