in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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