I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
