New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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