I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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