holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
