You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think a kid would responsible me up
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
