Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
