Whod you bang
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
