if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize