Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's like heaven, but drunker
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bring me that man meat
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
