the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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