I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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