I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
