Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i came on her dog
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.