But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?