it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.