dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in