wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour