I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
