you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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