remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
