So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
