Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
