I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
