I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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