there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Let's paint friendship bongs
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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