you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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